On Violence

Found this picture online, I don't know who the author is.

Violence is something that a lot of people claim to understand; there are many anthropological and sociological studies about its causes. But, the truth of the matter is that violence is a mystery that comes with being human. I can’t say that I actually understand how violence works. What I can say, is that I am in search of a better understanding of violence in order to also understand peacemaking and conflict resolution. In most of the communities where we work, violence is a constant. What is interesting to me is the result of the violence I see: Internal violence usually ends in suicide and external violence usually ends in murder.

One sunny afternoon in 2005, my friend Brady (who is from Knoxville, TN) and I were hanging out with Clemente, Kevin, and other kids from a slum in zone 3, Guatemala City. Most of them teenagers between the ages of 13 and 19 years old, with the exception of five-year-old Rigo and his seven-year-old brother. Rigo and his brother were playing with marbles on the floor. Chepe and I were talking with the kids, cracking some jokes and having a good time laughing at the “gringo” with the funny accent. For some reason, one of the two brothers lost his marbles and wanted the other one to give him his. I assume Rigo was the one who had the marbles, but I do not know that for sure. Out of nowhere the atmosphere filled with violence and the next thing I saw was a fight between the two little kids.

I have seen kids fighting for toys before, but this time it was just vicious. Rigo’s brother was on top, with his fists closed, beating Rigo down. I do not even know if I have the words to describe the scene, but the fight was brutal. The guys we were hanging out with were fueling the fight, cheering and yelling “Come on! Come on! Harder! Harder!” Brady and I could not intervene. We did not know what to do. I was really afraid the little kids were going to hurt themselves for real. I did not know how to react and stop the fight. Somehow, Rigo made it out of the beat-down and saw his mom walking down the street. Dropping his marbles on the floor he ran as fast as he could to embrace his mom’s legs. He was looking for protection. For a moment I thought, thank God she just showed up, now I do not have to stop the fight! Amazingly, when Rigo hugged his mom’s legs, instead of finding care, security, and love he found a kick right into his belly and an angry voice yelling, “Don’t be such a pussy! Go fight your brother like a man! That is how you learn dumb ass!” I could not believe what my eyes were witnessing. It felt like being right in the middle of an intense Flannery O’Connor story.


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Good Friday – Irrelevant Christ

 

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Christ hanging there outstretched cross.
Christ hanging here in shame and loss.

Christ unproductive just needs a job.
Christ no english only a nod.

Christ ever thirsting for next drink.
Christ turning tricks. Seductive wink.

Christ dandelion unsightly lawn.
Christ of the dark long before dawn.

Christ gang graffitti brick wall of church.
Christ annoying screams. Makes ears hurt.

Christ illegal. Christ detained.
Christ defeated soaked in rain.

Christ reservations unfit for farming.
Christ mouthing nothing profound nor alarming.

Christ causing distance smells so bad.
Christ twitching awake bad dreams had.

Christ will work for food and anything helps.
Christ needy intimacy. Lacking love felt.

Christ between thieves executed sinner.
Christ mentally ill always beginner.

Christ locked up then deported.
Christ knocked up had her aborted.

Christ chain smoking sucking a drag.
Christ in a name. Queer. Fag.

Overlooked. Irrelevant. Christ remains.
Walking from tombs of loss and shame.

Ryan Taylor is a Hoosier by birth but now lives in Denver and works with Mile High Ministries. He’s learning how to be incarnational with himself and others. Find more of his thoughts at his blog tall monastic guy  where this post was first published on March 8 2013.

Maundy Thursday – Beyond Fight or Flight: reflections on Pine Ridge & the communion meal

As a kid I ran from brokenness. Whenever a fight broke out at school while some excitedly gravitated toward it I’d subtely turn tail and literally walk away in the opposite direction. I remember doing this often. Whenever I found myself in proximity to deep hurt, sickness, or wreckage my sensitive psyche wanted nothing to do with it so in my fear I’d flee.

I still feel that same compulsion and sensitivity now but at some point in the growing older I turned a corner and began moving toward the wreckage with an innocent and perhaps sometimes arrogant desire to rummage through it searching for redemption. Reactions to brokenness tend to vacillate between fight or flight feeling as if situations, relationships, and people are either fixable or beyond it.

IMG_2780This past weekend I had the opportunity to visit the people and places of Pine Ridge Lakota Reservation in South Dakota. This visit has been a long time coming. My desire started about four years ago as a friendship developed with a struggling homeless couple in Denver both of whom were born and raised on Pine Ridge.

As our friendship grew through conversations at diners and detention centers I found myself like the disciple Thomas knowing I wouldn’t access clarity unless I leaned in closer and felt the wounds for myself. So, the intrigue, prayers, and friendships eventually led me to take up an invitation to spend this past weekend experiencing the people and places of Pine Ridge.

When I reached out to touch the brokenness I experienced both hells and heavens just inches apart from one another. I played with lively children, prayed prayers with wise elders while also listening to excruciatingly painful stories of rape, suicide, and addiction. Within these tear soaked stories I discovered both unfathomable trauma along with glimpses of deep beauty residing side by side.

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After several conversations with local Lokatas I visited the site of Wounded Knee a place where Native men, women, and children were mercilessly eliminated by US soldiers. The emotion there knocked me to the dirt leaving me only with tears and mouthing a quiet, “Lord have mercy/Christ have mercy” prayer.

How could MY tribe of colonialist Christians entirely overlook the imago dei and resort to such anti-christ evil? And if they were capable of such insanity then in what ways have I been adopted into this systemic brokenness? How do I possibly respond to such violent wreckage, such trauma, and the ongoing massacres taking place there via gangs, suicides, and fetal alcohol syndrome?

Our brokenness is broadly corporate and yet very personal all at once.

Running away from all of it remains a compulsion for sure but it’s one I’ve found entirely unhelpful. And sometimes the compulsion to reactively fix is equally unhelpful – a narcisistic coping mechanism – a knee jerk reaction in the midst of unsightly suffering.

While this was a unique experience of mine while visiting the rez, often all of us are forced into these crucibles of tension with no way of resolving them. Isn’t it the very contents of this crucible that Jesus speaks of when asking his friends, “Can you drink the cup I am going to drink?


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Two Questions

I grew up with a sister who was 3 years 4 months and 11 days older than me. When I was a boy there were two things I wanted more than anything else. One was to be an elephant. And the other was to be older than my sister. Maybe the two desires were really the same desire. It seemed in everything that mattered, like getting extra dessert and staying up late at weekends and becoming streetwise at primary school, I was always second. And there’s only so much coming second a man can take – especially a 7-year-old man.

What is it about siblings? We can’t live with them; we can’t live without them. If someone attacks them we’re first to step in, if they’re sick we can’t sleep for worry; but leave us alone in a room with them and in no time we find ourselves turning from wallflowers into fireworks. I once had Christmas dinner with a friend who had his 93-year-old and 91-year-old great aunts and his 89-year-old great uncle join us for the festive occasion. The great uncle said “Pass the roast potatoes, would you” – and proceeded to help himself to a generous portion. “Stop it – put those back” snapped his older sister, “Don’t be so greedy.” The younger sister pleaded, “But surely, it’s Christmas Day!” The older aunt was not to be deterred. Looking imperiously at her 89-year-old
brother, she said ‘He has to learn!”

This is the soil out of which the story of Cain and Abel becomes the story of everybody. A great many politicians and religious leaders talk about safeguarding or promoting or focusing on the family – but you wonder if these people have ever lived in one. The book of Genesis isn’t the slightest bit sentimental when it comes to the realities of growing up with a brother. Here are Cain and Abel; the first recorded sign of trouble and straightaway Abel’s blood is crying out from the ground.

Then a few chapters later we have Abraham and Lot, who were cousins but in one place are called brothers. We have this resonant sentence, “their possessions were so great that they could not live together.” Ouch. Feel the quality of that for a moment. “Their possessions were so great that they
could not live together.” My sister and I became the best of friends only when she went away to university. I didn’t realize we were living out the Abraham and Lot story.

And then there’s Isaac and Ishmael. Anyone here got a half brother? You going to tell me that’s a picnic? You’re the older one and you’re constantly told you should be nice to your little brother even though every time you look at him you think, “It was your mother that ruined my parents’ marriage.
How can I not hate you? Why should I love someone who’s taken away my dad’s attention that used to be all mine?” Or you’re the younger one and you think “I didn’t choose this domestic arrangement so why do I get blamed for it? What do I have to do to be taken seriously in this house and not treated as a toy?”

And we haven’t even spoken yet about Jacob and Esau, and what happens when one parent starts using a child in her maneuverings against the other. Boy does that make it yet more complicated, when you’re piggy in the middle between your parents! And finally there’s Joseph and his brothers, and it’s as if in that story that every element in all the previous stories comes together in a volcano of fratricide and parental favoritism and an over-inflated ego – and yet profound love. Kerboom. If there’s anyone here this morning who doesn’t recognize themselves in one of these stories I’d be mighty surprised. If your life is a chaos of thinly-veiled warfare, and a desperate struggle for recognition, and love you long for but daren’t ask for, and long-festering resentment, and freshly minted fury – welcome to Genesis. You’ll be quite at home.


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Food and the Bible

Our obsession with food in this country hits a fever pitch this week as we celebrate Thanksgiving. Yet according to the National Resources Defense Council, Americans throw away $165 billion (yes with a B) worth of food every year. Sam Wells provides a thoughtful reminder that probably won’t make the gastronomic headlines this week.

Food is Politics. The food industry is the largest manufacturing industry in this country. Anyone who disputes the description of agriculture and animal farming as an industry has not been outside lately. The reality is, the old distinction between food on the one hand, which was about the country and the soil, and industry on the other, which was about the city and the factory, has broken down. We all go to the supermarket and shop for groceries. But did you know that the average item of food in a grocery store has travelled 1500 miles? This means that putting food on our dinner plates is a global project.

It has always been so. The outer reaches of Tiberius’ Roman Empire had one central purpose in the imperial economy: and that was to be a breadbasket and source of other agricultural surpluses. If you lived in an Italian villa and your taste was fish paste, olive oil, or wine, then Galilee was your key supply base. Consider the kinds of diseases carried by those drawn to Jesus. You will find that most of them are connected in some way to malnutrition. The politics of food dominates the gospels just as much as it dominates today’s global economy. When Jesus set about transforming human reality, he went to the core of the culture: the production and consumption of food.

Most of Jesus’ talking about food comes in his parables. It is often supposed that Jesus was a simple agrarian figure telling homespun yet subversive stories of small-town folk, a kind of cross between Huckleberry Finn and John Denver. But when your eyes are opened to the politics of food, the parables take on a new dimension. When we read the story of the landowner who built bigger and bigger barns, we start to ask, “Whose land had now come into his possession and why? Was he in the Romans’ pocket or simply exploiting his fellow Jews?” In other words, it is no longer just a parable about greed but also a story about the politics of food. Think again about the parable of the sower. The stony ground and the thistles are not just figures of speech. They are agronomic reasons why peasant farmers remained in grinding poverty. And when the good soil produced a hundredfold, this is not just some kind of Middle Eastern penchant for exaggeration. This is saying at last this struggling peasant famer could pay his taxes, pay his debts, and finally buy his own land and be free of bonded oppression for good. This becomes Jesus’ image of salvation, of the kingdom of God – the ability to have more than enough food in a culture of extortion and exploitation.

How might we embody a Christian politics based on food?

  1. Realize that there is nothing more political than what you eat. Let us not get into a fantasy about uncontaminated food. But let us realize that the world’s economy is based on choices about agriculture. The world is what we eat.
  2. Ask yourself “Who am I eating with?” Food is both need and pleasure. And when those in need and those you love come together in such a way that they get all tangled up around the meal table, we call it the kingdom of God.
  3. If worship is food, could it be that food is worship? Could we imagine how good eating might become a sacrament of reconciliation between human beings and our planet?

The Revd Dr Sam Wells is the vicar of St Martin-in-the-Fields in London. He has served as a parish priest for 15 years – 10 of those in urban priority areas. He also spent 7 years in North Carolina where he was Dean of Duke University Chapel.

Taken from Come to the Table: A Collection of Recipes celebrating the 25th Anniversary of the Congregation at Duke University Chapel. Congregation at Duke University Chapel, Durham, NC

The Blood of Your Brother…

Once again, I closed the newspaper and tried to think of better news, instead of reading about another murder.   Once again, I passed in front of the yellow tape a policeman had put up at the scene of a crime. Once again I wanted to cry out to God on behalf of the families involved. One more death. One more kid. One more driver. One more child. One more woman. One more is too much and is one more than necessary. When a human life is lost, the feelings of powerlessness and the inability to feel comfort are natural, and lately the feeling of powerlessness has begun to feel normal. But in the last few weeks, I have also been trying to reflect on new ways to listen to the Spirit that guides us in the midst of such trying times.

“Listen! Your brother’s blood is crying out to me from the ground.” – Genesis 4:10

Recently I have been reading a book called Power & Poverty by Dewe Hughes. He mentions this passage from Genesis 4:10, analyzing reactions to injustice and the incorrect use of power by certain groups. Though in and of itself it is such a powerful message in the context of the struggle for power, I realized that the very literal words have a much deeper meaning than I ever previously noticed.  Something special about this verse is that it is God himself who is talking; he recognizes what is going on. This should be enough to allow us to breathe more easily. God knows. God does not ignore what these hands are doing. But more than that, God speaks of the blood as a symbol of life and he speaks of your brother. What a great implication this has on my identity. The blood that has been shed is part of my blood! He also speaks of a cry – a voice that calls out for justice, a voice that speaks out of the ground, the lowest place on earth, the point from which the shed blood cannot be gathered again.

Every one of these words can be deeply analyzed, but I have found myself thinking over and over again of the phrase as a whole: ‘Your brother’s blood is crying out to me from the ground.’ I can almost hear it as if it were spoken to me! I ask myself, ‘Can you not hear it? Have you not realized? What are your going to do with that voice, that cry?’

In the middle of the city of Kingston, Jamaica there is a statue in memory of the children who have died in tragic circumstances. The title of the sculpture is ‘Gone too soon’. It is surrounded by the names of hundreds of children whose lives have been taken and the date of their murders. When we visited, we were told that at the unveiling of the statue, one of the hopes expressed was never having to write another name on it. This has not been the case. But despite the circumstances, the first step is being taken: the cry of the bloodshed has been heard. As symbolic as it can be, as little as one monument represents, it is doing something.  There are people who are writing down one more name, one more date. And they seek justice.

Some of us have the privilege of walking in the ‘lowest places’ and being witnesses of the tragedy, violence, and pain that exists in these communities because of injustice, death and scarcity. We also have the privilege of listening to the cry rising up from these low places – a cry that unites us. We are witnesses of a divine voice that recognizes and hears our cry, and He does not remain silent.

Liz Herrera loves to learn, read, have a good cup of coffee and find creative ways to combine her passions: communications, urban ministries, social action and mixed media.  Liz is a journalist and has served alongside the team of CTM Guatemala since 2006 and worked for over 12 years among marginalized populations with churches and non-profit organizations.

Holding On

“To be alive is to be vulnerable.”   - Madeline L’Engle
There’s an office building about half way down the block that has a steep gravel driveway running behind it, from the street level up to a hilly area in back.  I walk that stretch of Eastlake twice a day.  They were a ways ahead of me but caught my eye immediately when I stepped outside onto the sidewalk.  She, in her faded jeans, worn jacket, tennis shoes and backpack.  He, in black pants, black shirt, black baseball cap and gold hoop earrings.  He had a backpack too, a nicer one.  Purple.  He may have been as old as 22.  She definitely wasn’t.  It immediately felt off. As they walked she ducked her head slightly toward him the way 17-year-old girls do when they’re insecure and under the control of someone who they think loves them.  He paid her no heed.  They didn’t speak.  He never looked at her.  She was with him but they were not together.  And his grip….  He held on to her, not by the hand but by the top of the wrist.  They weren’t going somewhere; he was taking her somewhere. I was getting closer when he turned up the gravel ramp toward the weeds under the Mercer Street ramp.  By the time I crossed the street they were at the top of the ramp.  He cut off along the chain link fence and they were gone.

I know she was not safe.

There are times when the sense of paralysis is swift and overwhelming.  ”You have to do something!” careening through your brain mixes with “There is nothing I can do to stop this.”  The whole thing lasted seconds but my thoughts covered a lot of ground in that time.  Angry tears flushed mascara to my lap as I drove home.  I was livid.  With him, with me, with the whole situation.  Should I have tried to talk to them?  I was so far behind I’d have had to make a bit of a scene to do that, but I’ve made a very public scene before on behalf of a young woman and it worked and I would do it again…and better.  But do it and say…what?  Or call the police?  “Yeah, um, I think the girl down the sidewalk is in trouble; could you send someone right away? and I’ll climb the fence and try to find them in the foot-trails under the freeway and if I do I’ll follow or stall them until you get here.”  Maybe I should have called.  The police here have done a fair amount of work around trafficking issues.  Or maybe I should have attracted attention in hopes that they’d think I needed help.  Sometimes, though, attention places the girl in more danger than she’s already in.  The need to prove loyalty intensifies.  The wrist grip tightens.  To notice her is personal.  She is not there for her.  No one should notice her.

And yet, notice is imperative.

There are a couple of women in my life who I wonder about all the time.  They are young but adult, relatively independent, making choices.  They have taken and stopped many a hand extended toward them.  Some of those hands were extended for good, some for ill.  They don’t always know the difference.

We have this idea that we can do so much.  We raise money, we write letters, we call our senators.  We host awareness events, we attend conferences, we volunteer on work trips.  We write books, we change laws, we throw people in prison.  We rescue and we provide counseling and job training and we talk about systemic problems.  The modern-day abolition movement runs on the very idea of eradicating slavery forever.  It won’t happen.  At least not in this lifetime.  It’s good work but I don’t believe any of it is enough for all time.

But I do believe in doing it.
And then in doing it again.

“Write me of hope and love, and hearts that endured.”
– Emily Dickinson


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The Matrix of Male Egotism

Honestly, I struggle with people like me – middle-class male, graduate degree, well-versed in the language of evangelical ministry. It’s people like me who create the systems and ethos within the power structures of christian culture. More and more I walk into environments in which I feel a certain weight that characterizes the reality that is the matrix of male egotism.

A particular scene in the movie The Matrix powerfully illustrates this elitist paradigm: As Morpheus walks Neo through the realities of the matrix he leads him through a crowded street full of everyday businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters, etc. He explains that all of these individuals operate within a system that they become so deeply immersed in that they fail to recognize it as a distinct and toxic system.

Like the movie scene, the standard systems of Christian ministry belong to the first half of life male who seldom if ever pauses long enough to recognize this competitive world of posturing and performance.

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Throughout history those looking up at us from the bottom have been women, the LGBTQ and black community, the sick and homeless among others. And while they have undoubtedly suffered through much loneliness and injustice perhaps they’ve also been afforded a gift of sight which the masses are unable to acknowledge.


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Onion Core

I came across a dirty onion tossed out in the sun
Abandoned trash that could not be of use to anyone
It lay upon the filthy ground with darkened, withered skin
That did not let me scrutinize the contents held within

With curiousness, I picked it up and then began to peel
The outer layers off to see what insides might reveal
And as I went about my task reducing surface size
The onion fumes brought searing pain and tears welled in my eyes

Hardened, tainted layers were the first that I removed
But inner rings were softer and the quality improved
And when I reached the onion’s center finishing my tour
I found the core was undefiled; was tender, fresh and pure

I came across a youth in jail his body scarred, tattooed
An outcast of society his manner violent, lewd
Curious I then sought to know how was this youth inside
What was the nature of his soul what feelings did he hide

His outer shell was heartless, hard and tough to penetrate
But as I slowly gained his trust I found a different state
He shed the armor he’d built up throughout his sordid past
To guard against the threats he’d faced that left me quite aghast

Abandoned, starved, despised, abused, rejected through the years
The angst released from woes peeled off brought searing pain and tears
The surface layers of this youth were vicious, mean and wild
But in his depths I found the love and meekness of a child

How can we reach that tender heart, what ways can we devise
To break through callousness; remove what causes youths’ demise?
Not jails but God’s transforming grace should be our fervent goal
Peel off the layers, reach the core, set free their yearning soul


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My Identity as the Enemy

Justin’s mind was just blown. In his short time of hanging around the chronically homeless that we serve at Network he’d been prayed over and blessed on two separate occasions by a man named Ed. Ed is poor in every which way imaginable and he’s not afraid to let his poverty show. So, imagine the look on Justin’s face when after a short interaction Ed asked to pray for him. Through Ed’s meaningful petition and pleas Justin was overwhelmed with a mystical sense of genuine blessing.

This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed this.

Last fall, Jamie was holding the Anything Helps sign in an exercise of solidarity with panhandlers. A homeless man gently stopped to pray with Jamie and offer her the $2 he had to his name. Jamie was left stunned in a paradigm shattering shock and disorientation.

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